There are entire industries that are dedicated to making moms feel inadequate so that we will buy their cleaning gadget, cooking gadget, or organizational tool hoping that this purchase will make it ALL fall into place. I’m tired of trying.
I’ve had enough. I’m tired of chasing after some idea of perfection that’s only purpose is to point out my own limitations. Thanks marketers – I don’t need any help in that area.
I’m painfully aware of all the ways I come up short when compared to that perfect mom, wife, friend, and person. I’m tired of trying to be her. She isn’t real much less someone we should strive to be.
This has been a process for me. Deciding I was tired of trying to be perfect was the first step, but then there were a lot of little steps to get me too the healthy point between screaming at the kids over a Christmas card picture and having zero F*&^$ to give.
This is how I became a happier mom.
1. I‘m tired of trying.
Constantly trying to be someone you aren’t has to be one of the most exhausting things ever. If that thing you are not is the perfect mom, then it IS the most exhausting thing ever. Start trying to actual just show up as you are. This will be a relief for you and attract a group of people that actually appreciates what you have to offer.
These people are generally authentic and positive (but not in a creepy way). These are people that aren’t looking for me to make them happy. Spending time with people who have their own crap together with respect to emotional maturity and kindness will eventually rub off on you. You’ll naturally begin to feel more comfortable with your amazing self. If you didn’t know you are one of the amazing moms.
2. Take Some Time to Unplug
If something makes you feel bad about yourself – don’t hesitate to take some time away from it. Maybe you need to avoid the moms at drop off or just take a social media break. If you have the means and control to unplug from an unpleasant situation – please do it. I takes all the need to try to be someone you are not totally away – remember this is my answer to I’m so tired of trying.
3. Write It & Rip It
Writing thoughts down is a great way to get it out of your head and into the open. I’ve heard it called paper thinking or turning thinking into action.
Sometimes there are thoughts that you wouldn’t want others to see. You can still get them out of your head an don paper. Try this instead; next time you write down your thoughts, rip it up as soon as you are done.
This way you got a chance to see it and acknowledge, but you don’t have to worry about your kids stumbling upon a thought that doesn’t frame motherhood as the ultimate joy of all time.
Just the acting of ripping it up will help you to overcome some of those perfectionist tendencies you might have.
4. Make Your Next Mistake a Lesson
Don’t beat yourself up for every mistake or failure. How else are you supposed to learn?
The next time you fail or make a big mistake (like losing it when your kids don’t scrape the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher again), make sure to focus on what this situation taught you (for instance – I need to take a pause before responding to these situations and do a body scan to make sure there isn’t more going on like being hungry, thirsty, or simply tired).
You might be surprised how liberating this one is for you and the rest of your family.
I give you my strategy for how to stop dwelling on the mistakes you make in my free Happy Mom Workshop.
5. Why Are You Worried About Others?
It is none of your business what someone is thinking or saying about you. When you are constantly worried about what others think, it might be a way that you choose to compare yourself to others or people please.
I think it is natural to have some comparison (and unavoidable)it best to let the thoughts just fly right through your mind rather than spend a lot of energy dissecting them. Furthermore, the idealized lives you see of people through social media is hardly ever the reality.
Don’t beat yourself up for not living these fantasies. You don’t have to live up to anyone else’s expectations.
6. Stand Up and Speak Up. I’m tired of trying to not rock the boat.
Stop being hiding the things you really believe in. We all have things we are passionate about, but we often hide that side of ourselves because we don’t want to make other people feel uncomfortable. Stop that today. Stand up and speak up about the things that are important to you.
Authentic people let go of chasing perfection, you’ll find you might have a lot of energy to give to causes and things that you truly believe in.
One word of caution, you speaking your beliefs is not the same as dismissing someone else’s. Always think before reacting.
7. Accept Imperfection. I’m tired of trying to be perfect.
No one is perfect, so why are you trying so hard to be? We think it is the trying that is so exhausting, but it’s the beating yourself up for not reaching perfection. Start enjoying your journey a bit more. Just because it isn’t perfect doesn’t mean it isn’t worth enjoying.
Your worth as a mom, wife, friend, or person is not measured against perfection. Your value is all about you just being you.
8. Quiet your inner critic.
My inner critic is the ultimate mean girl. We would NEVER talk to other people the way we talk to ourselves. The next time you start noticing your inner dialogue getting a little too critical, flip the script using a positive affirmation to counter it.
9. Treat Yourself Like You’d Treat Your Closest Friend
Always be your own best friend first. Unfortunately, we are sometime our own worse enemies. Start coaching yourself to change the conversation. If you want to stop being hard on yourself, think about how’d you talk or act if it was your best friend you were dealing with.
If this sounds good…
Check out my FREE Happy Mom Workshop on how to reverse Mom Burnout!
